Wednesday, 19 April 2017

Weight Loss Wednesday || The Emotional Eater

Week 2 of my weight loss kick was a bad week for me. What with it being Easter I wasn't expecting any miracles. I have not eaten chocolate because I gave it up for lent and so I knew as soon as I was able to I'd indulge myself and eat a lot of chocolate. Well, I did. Plus a big easter lunch and takeaways. I just made bad decisions. 

This week, however, I want to focus on emotional eating. Most people are guilty of this, it's a very simple cycle to get into however I seem to take it to the extreme. Since I was about 11 I have always found comfort in food, I was bullied a lot and eating was something that made me feel instantly happy so I'd eat my problems away. Then I got to secondary school and my mental health started to decline but because no one noticed and I had no idea what was happening I literally suffered in silence for years. The food was my escape, eat my worries and sadness away. My father had serious mental health issues and I just felt that adding my mental health issues to the problem would be too much. He'd blame himself. So I shut it off from the world and secretly ate myself into being overweight. By my 21st birthday, I was bigger than ever, I hated myself and I looked awful. This is what years of bullying, untreated mental health and an unhealthy relationship with food looks like.

To this day I continue to eat emotionally but because I never found help it is out of control. I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, excited, anxious etc. You name an emotion, I eat it. Not just a little a lot. I was anxious on Monday evening so I came home and ate 2 easter eggs in less than 30mins. It's not a healthy pattern to follow and I'm finally realising that. I'm binge eating my health away. This week I had ups and downs emotionally but the downs were bad. Another negative pregnancy test, pain, illness etc just got me into a low mood. (luckily I am out of that low mood for now)

The after effects on emotional eating are hard as well. I recently tweeted (find the tweet here) about the guilt I had from eating chocolate and seeing a comment from someone on facebook about people eating too much. Luckily, the spoonie/twitter community I am part of were amazing and gave me so much backing and love I managed to cheer myself up! This, however, is the point, I over eat and then feel so guilty, unhappy, anxious and disappointed in myself that I get stuck in this cycle. I eat my emotions, that then makes me feel unwanted emotions, so I eat my emotions again. It is never ending. It is tiring.

So I think I'm going to make an appointment with my doctor to start therapy for my eating. I have tried countless dieticians over the years but they just tell you good food to eat they don't reach the root problem of why I'm eating like this and how I can teach myself to break the pattern.  I can't continue on this path because inevitably it'll lead to more health issues, less chance of babies and overall unhappiness in life. I used to be happy and confident even when big, like in this picture in Iceland this is true happiness, but I think I've lost the body confidence I had.

So far this week I've done terribly. I have exercised well but eaten so badly/ By the end of the week, I ended up eating so badly and enjoying the sweet taste of chocolate again plus with the Easter holidays, that I think I out on about 5lbs this week. Really hating me right now. 

Stats since Last Wednesday, 12th April 

  • 7 Day streak of hitting exercise goal of 30mins exercise a day, that means a solid 14-day streak now.
  • Drinking a lot more water, too much fizzy sugar drinks still.
  • Weight - put on about 5lbs (not surprised with Easter)
  • Eaten - Badly. A lot of emotional eating and indulging.
  • Happy with how I've done this week- Definitely not

Does anyone have any experience with this? What helped you?
Catch up next week!

You can find my last weight loss Wednesday post here. 

For more places to find me go to my TwitterPinterest, or Instagram

Wednesday, 12 April 2017

Weight Loss Wednesday || The Scary Start

So with PCOS weight gain and weight loss is a mission, to put it lightly. While it's not the case for all, most women end up overweight with this condition nd usually have conditions like insulin resistance that run along the side of it. Don't ask me why that part I have no idea about! If you do, let me know!
We find it very easy to put weight on (seriously I could look at chocolate and gain a pound) and find it very difficult to take off. Cruelly additional weight only adds to the problem, yet it is a symptom as well. Extra weight only decreases chances of fertility and adds to chances of developing other problems like heart disease and diabetes etc.

Me at 9. Skinny as hell
Lost some weight now
Eww, aged 18. 

As you can see from the pictures (ages 9, 18 and now) I changed a lot. I have been a yo-yo dieter for years, I started becoming chubby at around 11-12, funnily enough, when puberty kicked in (PCOS is a hormone thing so doesn't really kick in till puberty I don't think?) I went from being fairly skinny to just adding on the weight. I was bullied, I had no self-esteem, I wasn't happy and my health suffered. I tried so many times to lose weight but I was always disheartened by how long it took and how little I gained from it. At around 18, I am ashamed to admit I was at 18stone. I hated myself.

In June 2016, age 23, I was at my heaviest weight about 18st 6lb. I decided it was time for a change. I desperately wanted a baby and it just wasn't going to happen at the size I was and it would also carry a lot of risks. So I hit the scales and hit the diet and was surprised I actually did well. In 2 months I lost 2 stone, weighing less than I had since meeting James, 3 whole years! I was so chuffed. Then Christmas came, my health declined I lost my job and I put a stone back on. I cried and cried. I was so disappointed.

I have an unhealthy relationship with food and everyone, including myself knows it. I eat when I'm emotional. Happy, Sad, Anxious it seems to be my default method and I can't break that cycle. It has been like this for years. I always though my I had an eating disorder as in Binge Eating, but people told me that wasn't a real eating disorder and I'm just greedy and like food. However, only now in 2017 have I found it is actually a real thing! I mean it even has a page on the NHS. Maybe now I should go and see my doctor about it to maybe tackle it head one while also dieting. I have other mental health issues, it wouldn't be completely unrelated for me to also suffer from an eating disorder which is also classed as a mental health issue. I just worry about being judged and being told it isn't a real thing again. I mean I eat even when I'm not hungry then feel guilty about it.

My health is still rocky but I have decided to go back to eating healthy, exercising more and trying to lose weight. I want children, I want to feel good about myself and I want to feel healthier and I want to be healthier. This will be a hard and long road. With ups and downs and I imagine lots of cravings but it'll be worth it! If I can do it once I can do it again!!

I'm going to do a weight loss Wednesday as a check in to motivate myself and allow you to follow my journey. PCOS is a very common problem in women (find more information on my page about it) and I'm 100% sure that I am not the only one struggling with this. Actually, I know I'm not because I know people who have the same struggle!

So I will start on a Wednesday, today being the 12th of March!

So far this week I've done very mixed. I have exercised well and eaten ok but dinner time is the worst for me. By the end of the day, I find I'm too tired to cook and I end up having something easy from the freezer or a takeaway and I need to stop that.

Stats since Last Wednesday 5th March 


  • 7 Day streak of hitting exercise goal of 30mins exercise a day (with my health conditions this is a lot)
  • Drinking a lot more water
  • Weight - the same (until I'm comfortable I won't say my weight)
  • Eaten - Mix but mainly badly id say
  • Happy with how I've done this week- No

Catch up next week!

Does anyone have any tips and tricks? Groups i can join? Or do you have PCOS and struggle with weight? Comment on the post so we can help each other!

For more places to find me go to my TwitterPinterest, or Instagram

Monday, 10 April 2017

5 Ways That Can Help When Feeling Overwhelmed With Life

It's very easy these days to take on too much. work, education, health etc we all want to fit in as much as we possibly can, which is great until we hit the wall of stress. Feeling overwhelmed is something that comes along very suddenly when doing lots of activities and projects at once. We take on too much when we don't have the time to manage it all.

Overloaded With Work

Feeling overwhelmed can present itself in many ways and is usually personal to everyone. Anxiety, emotional meltdown, sickness, headaches are just a tiny example of ways your body is trying to tell you it's not coping well with the added pressure. Our bodies are well designed for signalling when something isn't right, and we should listen to them. With 1 in 4 people now suffering from mental health problems, negative feelings like this are only going to increase the ever growing statistic. So I've put together a list of # tips and tricks for coping with feeling overwhelmed.

Take a break & step back and evaluate. The best way to, first of all, get out of the overwhelming circle of life is to take a break. Don't do anything. Just spend a few days with the people you love, have a lie in, take walks, practise self-care just enjoy yourself. It's important we realise that our bodies need a rest once in a while. Holidays are the best way to recharge and relax but obviously, that is dependant on finances and personal situations. Its actually been suggested that a 1 week holiday every year is very beneficial for both physical and mental health. 

Try to minimise & prioritise what you are doing. Obviously, certain things in life can't be cut out. Being a parent, working etc. Some things need to stay and need a constant routine. There are how ever things that can be cut down and prioritise to make yourself less stressed and give you the important time to rest and recuperate from a busy life. Things like essays and deadlines should be done first, and possibly done with time to spare. The stress of doing things last minute will only lead to even more negative feelings. Small projects like sorting wardrobes etc don't need to be done straight away. Life is already busy, wait until you have the time and mental energy to do so. You can even cut things out completely if you feel it's not needed in your life.

Find and take support from others. Support is essential to our lives. Family, friends, therapist even managers can all give support in different ways, Being able to talk about your feelings is a brilliant way to let everything out, but when you're feeling overwhelmed, sometimes reaching out is the best thing to do. Other people can see your tasks and projects in a different light and help you prioritise or cut them down. They will remind you to take time for yourself and that you are great no matter how much or how little you do. Plus sometimes a cuddle is the best form of support, and whats better than a cuddle with someone you love!

Learn to say no to people. As humans, most of us love to please other people by helping them out. Whether it be something small like holding a door open or big like loaning money that feels good factor we get from it is addictive. It great to see you're helping someone. However, this can be a bad thing. We come to love that feeling and seeing them so happy that we forget about ourselves, people also tend to take advantage of your good nature. Sometimes you need to say no. You can have their kids that day, you can't do that extra bit of work for no no. It is OK to say no and true friends and family should realise and appreciate that!

Look at what you have achieved. If doing all that work has been absolutely essential, then sometimes we just need to see how far we've come. All that stress and pressure making us feel overwhelmed will, in the end, create something completely unique but brilliant. Good mark on an essay, pay rise, successful blog post, hit an early deadline? We do these things to try and better ourselves, to earn money and enjoy ourselves but in amongst all the negative feelings, we forget to really enjoy the positive feelings.

These are personal tips that have helped me many times when I have felt overwhelmed with things. It obviously doesn't mean it will work for everyone but its a good starting point. We are only human and despite what we like to think, our brains and bodies do have limits and we need to remember and be aware of that, we are all precious beings.

You can read my Honest Letter To My Body to find out how I really feel about me. 

For more places to find me go to my TwitterPinterest, or Instagram

Monday, 3 April 2017

Finding Your Motivation After Losing It

I've already touched on the subject of motivation before, Tips On Increasing Motivation, but what about when your motivation has completely hit rock bottom? You're struggling to even sit down and start work, feeling at a loss and don't know where to start? 

Finding Your Motivation After Losing It Banner

I have been in this situation many many times, annoyingly its always around the same time, easter. The weather starts to (hopefully) cheer up and brighten, all the little one are on holiday, chocolate etc! I don't know why but it has always been the same. So I've put together a list of things that usually help me get back into the swing of things!

Light reading every day. So when it comes to reading it can all seem a bit daunting. 30 or 40 pages needed and you can't even read a line. What I do is break it up into smaller chunks and try a little every day. Maybe 2 pages every day, just enough to either catch up if needed or keep on top of everything. It's all about management.

Give yourself plenty of time. With deadlines coming up the worst thing you can do it leave it till the last minute and then stress, panic and rush to complete it. Maybe start by forming an essay plan, thinking about where you want to start. There is nothing worse than realising you only have a few days to complete something very important! 

Change up your study area. You've lost the motivation to sit down and work but you know it needs to be done. One thing that has helped me is to change where I do my work. Move things around, add new decorations make it an area you enjoy being in. It seems simple but it can really help bump your mood up. 

Understand everyone struggles with this at some point. This is important. We can all tend to feel lost and alone when we find ourselves struggling. It feels very much like you are the only one, however, this is completely untrue. Every single person would have felt the same way at one point or another in their life. It is completely normal. Do not stress about feeling like this. 

Speak to someone. Whatever you are doing be it studying, work, blogging etc there will always be someone to turn to if you need a chat about it all. Tutors, fellow bloggers, managers, there will be someone who is willing to guide you through and help you. All you need to do is reach out to someone you may think could help. Friends and family are also a great source of advice and support.

Re-find your passion. There is a reason you started a blog, or studying or even work. Whether it be money, raising awareness, to better yourself etc. Sometimes over time, you can start to lose the passion, that's not to say that it went it just means it needs to be found again. Re finding a passion can be extremely rewarding and can kick your brain into wanting to achieve again. For example, read your old work, read articles on it, read other blogs there are plenty of ways you can re-find it! 

Keep busy. Lastly, keep busy, When you feel you need to stop power through. That can be easier said than done especially if you have illness etc but the worst thing to do comes to a complete stop. It's much harder to get back into work when you have stopped. Knowing where to begin again can be a nightmare, I should know! 

It can be a personal struggle to get back into work after losing motivation but there are many different ways to get back into the flow of things. The best thing to do is never lose sight of the end goal. You will get there in the end, with perseverance and ambition! 

For more places to find me go to my TwitterPinterest, or Instagram

Friday, 31 March 2017

My Top 5, Most Loved, Disney Movies

So I wanted to do a light-hearted blog post today, one that everyone could enjoy! It has been a strange week for me, lots of things going on and I didn't fancy being too serious. So instead I thought why not share my top 5 Disney movies. I don't think I've ever met someone who hasn't loved at least one Disney movie! I mean there is a lot but they are so well made and usually so well cast it's a given really.

1. Beauty and The Beast

Beauty and the Beast Trailer ImageUS Release Date- November 22, 1991

An arrogant young prince and his castle's servants fall under the spell of a wicked enchantress, who turns him into the hideous Beast until he learns to love and be loved in return. The spirited, headstrong village girl Belle enters the Beast's castle after he imprisons her father Maurice. With the help of his enchanted servants, including the matronly Mrs Potts, Belle begins to draw the cold-hearted Beast out of his isolation.

This is my favourite of all Disney movies. It has been for as long as I can remember. From the animation to the soundtrack I love everything about it. The thought of singing furniture running around everywhere just adds to the fun! I often find myself singing the songs at random times in the week!

2. Into The Woods

Trailer Image Taken From Wiki

US Release Date- December 25, 2014

As the result of the curse of a once-beautiful witch, a baker and his wife are childless. Three days before the rise of a blue moon, they venture into the forest to find the ingredients that will reverse the spell and restore the witch's beauty: a milk-white cow, hair as yellow as corn, a blood-red cape, and a slipper of gold. During their journey, they meet Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, Rapunzel and Jack, each one on a quest to fulfil a wish.

I love this. The songs are so catchy and I love James Corden so much. I also really enjoy the idea of this film, what happens after happily ever after? I enjoyed this film so much I went out and bought the DVD instantly and watched it again, twice! Now it's even on Netflix so all I do is rewatch it.

3. Finding Nemo

Trailer Image Taken From Wiki

US Release Date- May 30, 2003

Marlin, a clown fish, is overly cautious with his son, Nemo, who has a foreshortened fin. When Nemo swims too close to the surface to prove himself, he is caught by a diver and horrified Marlin must set out to find him. A blue reef fish named Dory -- who has a really short memory -- joins Marlin and complicates the encounters with sharks, jellyfish, and a host of ocean dangers. Meanwhile, Nemo plots his escape from a dentist's fish tank.

This film is a feel good movie I think everyone must have seen at least once! For me, however, it adds more meaning. This was the first and only film me and my brother sat down to enjoy. From the age of about 6 months, we would sit and watch it snuggled up together in bed or on the sofa.
Still, at 3 years old, we enjoy watching it and he even saw Finding Dory in the cinema (his first cinema experience)

4. Toy Story

Trailer Image Taken From Wiki

US Release Date- November 22, 1995,

Woody a good-hearted cowboy doll who belongs to a young boy named Andy sees his position as Andy's favourite toy jeopardised when his parents buy him a Buzz Lightyear action figure. Even worse, the arrogant Buzz thinks he's a real spaceman on a mission to return to his home planet. When Andy's family moves to a new house, Woody and Buzz must escape the clutches of maladjusted neighbour Sid Phillips and reunite with their boy

This is a classic Disney film. Toys that are actually alive, I mean to a child like me that was all I ever wanted! I didn't have many friends and regularly talked and played with my teddies and they never spoke back to me. I would have loved for them to talk. Its a feel good movie for any age!

5. Atlantis.

Trailer Image Taken From Wiki

US Release Date- June 15, 2001 

An inexperienced young adventurer becomes the key to unravelling an ancient mystery when he joins up with a group of daredevil explorers to find the legendary lost empire of Atlantis. A naive-but-determined museum cartographer Milo Thatch dreams of completing the quest begun by his late grandfather, a famous explorer. When a journal surfaces, an eccentric billionaire funds an expedition and the action shifts to high gear.

Now, this film is amazing. Not only is the story itself brilliant but the fact it uses people of different races and religions and tackles subjects like sexism etc just makes the film seem so much more. This film was the first film I saw where I was taught its ok to dream big and no dream is silly. Also, I've literally only just found out Milo is voiced by Michael. J. Fox! Am I the only one who never realised this?!

You can read my last Top 5 post about the people who inspired me to blog by clicking HERE

For more places to find me go to my TwitterPinterest, or Instagram

*Disclaimer* The synopsis's of the films came from their Wikipedia pages. They are not my words. The images are also taken from the Wikipedia page, all have the URL images link in the titles.

Thursday, 30 March 2017

Saying Goodbye To Our Much Loved, Beautiful Dog

This still a very raw and upsetting topic for me but I wanted to be able to tell people about the experience and maybe help or inform others.

Goodbye To Our Dog

So yesterday (29/3) the dog I share with my Sisters, Nan and Dad was re-homed. My Dad had moved out of the house and the dog was left with my Nan, they loved each other more than I've seen any animal love a human. He was a fairly big dog, an English Springer Spaniel and unfortunately with my Nan's health, age (80) and her being quite fragile keeping him just became too hard for her. He required constant attention, needed regular walks, play time etc and she just couldn't do it anymore.

You may say "well Beth why didn't you take him" trust me if I had the chance I wouldn't have even thought about it. I live in a 1 bed flat on the first floor with no garden. With my own health issues, I just couldn't have given him any quality of life he needed. Some days I can barely get out of bed, what would I have done with a dog who needed to be taken outside just to go to the toilet?!
My sisters, unfortunately, were unable to have him too. With one off to New Zealand for a year, One off to university soon and one barely at home it wouldn't have worked. They live with my Mum, Brother and Stepdad, and my Stepdad is allergic to dogs so he would never have been allowed into the house. 
In the end, the only person who could have had him was my Dad but with his new partner and children in their new house, they had cats. It wasn't feasible.
Despite trying, we couldn't find a home near us either. One that could have homed him and we could have possibly seen him or at least been sent pictures and allowed to have updates on how he was. Now we won't ever know.

He was brought with the right intentions by my Dad, he was picked by me with love and care. He was the only puppy who approached me at 5 weeks old and instead of coming for a pet he chewed my jeans, that moment I knew he was ours.
I held him in the van all the way home at 7 weeks old. 2 hours just cuddling and petting a sleeping puppy who was now our baby. Little Riff. As soon as he was introduced to everyone, we were all instantly hooked and in love. He was adorable.
He was a good pup. It took him only 2 or 3 days to toilet train and he was very loving. He had the same problems most puppies do; chewing things, nipping you and being energetic but he did eventually outgrow those traits. He was the loveliest dog, he used to stick his head out the car window and wait for us outside of school, his tail going crazy as soon as he spotted one of us. He was always pleased to see us.
We didn't live with him, he stayed at my Nan and Dads house with them so we would go round and see him when we could. He enjoyed puppy life and we did too.

Riff and Nan Together
Riff and Nan Together 

As he grew up and got bigger he needed more walks. Springer Spaniels are notoriously hard to care for. They need a lot of walking, a lot of care and stimulation. They are very clever dogs and they need to have their minds exercised as well as their bodies. My Nan became the one who fed him his dinner and stayed with him during the day, basically, she became his mummy.
Their bond was unbreakable, it was strong and he was company for my Nan. He was fiercely protective of her. She tried to take him on walks with her siblings but after a while it became impossible. He was also very bouncy and got to the point where he could have knocked her down. I love my dog a lot but I love my Nan more and we couldn't bare the thought of anything happening to her. 

The decision was not taken lightly to give him to the home, please do not think it was. He was very loved and he knew it. He wasn't trained well and in the end, it would have been too hard to rehome ourselves he needed more training etc. The home he has gone to (Battersea) is one of the best, they look after their dogs and they find them good homes. However, it still does not stop the hurting. It also doesn't stop the misconception that he was abandoned, unloved or neglected. He wasn't any of those. We just wanted a better life for him, one in which he could have regular walks, socialise with people etc and of course the safety of my Nan. In the end, we did it for both of them. 

Let this be a lesson to people wanting to get a dog. Please make sure you can have that dog for its entire life. Make sure you are ready for the responsibility. Make sure you fully train and love that dog. Do everything right. They are loyal and loveable animals. Giving up a dog is insanely difficult and they deserve better. Obviously things happen and it can't be stopped but it hurts a lot.

My picture of RiffHis first fun in the snowMy picture of Riff

I will forever miss Riff. I will not place blame on anyone for this. We are all suffering from this loss. A piece of my heart went with him today. The thought of not having him around anymore is distressing and unthinkable. I hope whoever gives him a home, gives him the love and life he deserves. I just wish I could have told them myself how much he was loved. Many tears have been shed for him.

Please support Battersea Dogs Home, you can do it in many different ways found here. They do amazing work for dogs and cats.

For more places to find me go to my TwitterPinterest, or Instagram